Dear
Africa, when I read on the plane it was 65 degrees I was overjoyed to be
leaving the heat and humidity behind me. Your weather is amazing and I feel so
energized by how beautiful it is here.
Dear
clouds, you are so puffy and white. I feel as if I haven't seen clouds like you
in months
Dear
Bangkok airport, thank you for one last Thai massage and mango sticky rice.
Dear
arms, it was crazy to see you covered in goose bumps instead of sweat!! Here is
to crisp beautiful blue weather!!!
Dear
hoodie and rain jacket, I am sorry you have been buried in my pack for months
without use. I am so excited I get to wear you around more. Here is to fun
times!
Dear
Mosquitos, you are my biggest fear. I know it is bad to hate things but I kinda
hate you ALL. Please leave me alone, stop giving me scars, and don't give me
malaria.
Dear
journal, I am so excited to fill your pages with prayers for Africa, stories of
this crazy journey and lessons from ministry and living in community.
Dear Dr.
Bronner, your soap is simply incredibly. Thank you for superb ingredients. It's
amazing when I can use the same soap to wash my face, wash my body and wash my
clothes in one go round.
Dear Tiff
and Des, keep those babies healthy and strong and since you are counting in
weeks, I'll be home in about 18.
Dear
Bliss women and children, we are excited to be serving at your ministry this
month!
Dear
Kenya, here is to a good month! My prayer is that you teach me how to have an abundant
amount of grace and love.
Dear
Henry and Florence, thank you for teaching me some Swahili and for your amazing
hospitality. Your place was beautiful and it was so great to stay in a cozy
bed!
Dear
Rachel, welcome to our all girls team home slice! I am so excited to get to
know you better and have your on our all star team!! God has a place for you
here darling.
Dear
Sydney, pound it for not showering in 4 days! (You know you're on the world
race when...)
Dear Mom,
Dad e-mailed me photos of your graduation announcement from nursing school!!! I
am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooo proud of you! You did it!!! After all that hard
work you are finished!! Go mom!! You rock!!
Dear
Readers,Pray for
this month. Pray for our team to continue to bond, pray that lives will be
touched in Kenya. Pray that God will give us strength as we are doing door-to-door
evangelism and preaching almost every evening. Pray that God creates divine
appointments and gives us the words to say.
I was blindsided when "porn" became a part of my vocabulary.
I was 21 and of course knew what porn was, but I didn't ever think it would affect me the way it did.
Porn was something dirty, something I never thought twice about -- and of course never ever talked about. I knew guys struggled with it, but not the guys I knew at church, not the guys that were involved in leading worship, and definitely not the guy I was dating.
I was wrong.
I was devastated when the deep dark secret found its way to the surface of my relationship. I wasn't the struggling with porn -- I barely knew what it was -- but it affected me. I was hurt beyond measure and could not grasp how easily this sin grabs a hold of someone.
So I began to read.
I read that the average boy is exposed to porn by the time he is 11.
More than 70 percent of men from 18 to 34 visit a pornographic site in a typical month.
57 percent of pastors say that addiction to pornography is the most sexually damaging issue to their congregation.
Then I began to think: If this is such a big issue, why aren't more guys talking about this and being honest with each other?!
Now you are thinking, "Ash, you aren't a guy, so leave that to us guys to talk about."
But what if us as women weren't afraid to ask about it? What if we shared how we felt about it? What if we encouraged our men to know that it is okay to ask for help before it becomes a dangerous addition? What if we prayed more for the men in our lives to be protected from this hurtful sin?
So here is the point.
Dear brothers near and far away:
To those that have been blessed with not struggling though this type of sin, my prayer is that you never do. My prayer is that you walk strongly in the Lord and continue to have him reign in your heart. I pray that you walk honorably and humbly, not letting temptation overcome you.
To those that have struggled with porn in the
past, be honest and open up to the guys around you. Be an encourager and help promote accountability. Help others know they are not alone!
To those struggling, my prayer is that you start by being honest with yourself about your struggles with this dangerous sin. If you just want to change the behavior you will lose the battle every time. The change needs to come from your heart.
I pray that you can see how dangerous it is to keep this a secret, because that is how Satan wins. He wants you to think you are alone, but that is a lie from the pit of hell.
Know that it does hurt us as girls and, most importantly, it hurts your wife. The danger is that you desire unrealistic expectations. Without noticing it, you put those expectations on women. You expect women to perform at a level that isn't real. You expect us to look like women who have been altered by surgery and implants.
And that is where it hits home.
Porn doesn't just affect you, it affects your walk with the Lord. It even affects the women around you (1 Cor. 6:15-20). My world was rocked when I found out my fiance was struggling with porn. I felt like I wasn't worth waiting for. I felt like I wasn't enough. I felt like I wasn't good enough to be desired. I felt like there would be no way to compete with something I should never have to compete with. Through the years God has brought a lot of redemption {read more about that here}. I have such a heart for guys who struggle with porn. I know that that now I can approach this subject from a place of love and prayer instead of hate and judgment.
My prayer is that we can bring more awareness to such a secretive yet powerful sin so many guys our age struggle with. That you can hear from a women's heart how hurtful and dangerous porn really is.
My prayer is that you, my dear brothers, will be men after God's own heart. I pray that you would be in the world but not of the world -- that you would strive to be real men who treat all women with care and respect as your sisters.
"I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a
girl." - Job 31:1
Love,
Ash
*Disclaimer*
*Sin is sin, and no guy or girl is too holy
to fall victim to porn and its dangerous addiction. I am fully aware guys and
girls both struggle with porn. However, due to the nature of what I have walked
through, I feel led to address the guys on this subject.*
Blogging last month was a challenge to say the least.
On top of Vietnam being a closed country, there were also several
incidents that came up that left me at a loss of knowing how to even put into
words what I was walking through.
I have been putting off blogging all together because most of the
things I have been wanting to say aren't very easy.
So in the spirit of moving forward here goes...
We are in Malaysia now.
Our all girls team is working with
Tabernacle of Glory Church. We living at the church and working with them
daily. It has been amazing being apart of a community of believes that are so on fire for the Lord. The church has a lot of ministry services and supports a local orphanage.
So here is to pressing on. More blogs to follow.
Love,
Ash
P.S. It is Easter Sunday over here and last night we decorated 125 eggs for the church!! It was so much fun! I love craft time and I was nice to play with some paint again.
Here is one of the perks of being on an ALL GIRLS team. We can dance, have fun and make fools of ourselves on a Friday night, dancing in our sleeping bags.
We worked with Funkie and Hya who are with Ywam. It's been amazing!!! Tressa, Sydney and Shanna taught English in a Village called Bakong. Nikki, Becca and I taught English at University of the Nations at Spei Neak. I was also blessed to get connected with Marie Hill who has been a Missionary here for over 20 years. She owns a handicraft store here called SaoMoa and also does photography. I was able to help her with a couple of projects this month which was a bonus.
3. What did you learn?
Humidity is a sneaky little devil.
How to be an aggressive bike rider.
That I'm getting paranoid about mosquitoes seeing that I got 26 bites on one arm!
4. No really, what did you learn?
I have been learning a lot about how to make this "life on the Race," as normal as possible. To take my life at home and try my best to incorporate things I did, passions I had, things I loved ect. here on the race so I don't get burned out. It's been helping. I fee like I'm adding a bit of "normalcy," so this life feels less like a trip and more like a lifestyle.
I learned a lot about what it would really look like if I were to teach English in a foreign country (;
I was also privileged to talk to Sarah, who works with IJM to fight human trafficking here in Cambodia. She brought a lot of realization about what it looks like fighting that cause on a day to day basis in her job where there is a lot of burn out.
I've also been learning a lot about letting God fill me up so I can pour into others. Not trying to lead out of my own strength but seeking the Lord daily so he can give me what I need. The Lord is more than enough for every need I have and he is more than sufficient in getting me through the day. I have been learning how important it is for me to fight for my personal down time.
5. How was the food? Best meal?
Our contacts at the base are from the Philippines so we had a lot of Pilipino food actually. I loved the food from Common Grounds cafe, EVERYTHING there is amazing. (Confession: We probably went there 3-5 times a week) I also had bomb Indian food from this place called Little India. Best Veggie Nan I've ever had!
6. What do you miss from home?
Winter, snow, cold weather. Air Conditioning!!!!!!!!!!
7. What would you like to say to the people (stalkers) back home?
I do want to assure some of you who've been wondering, I am in fact on a Missions trip and not a vacation. Yes, there might be epic photos of nice cool things but that isn't the norm. Just think about life, I'm sure you don't have photos of the everyday place you sleep, the everyday place you work, the everyday tasks you run. Right? You take photos when you go on a cool trip or go eat an amazing meal. Same goes here. There are cool photos when we are out, but just like life, there aren't a lot of photos of the normal ministry things we do on a daily basis. I don't even think I have one photo of my room here this month, or of the class I've been teaching in. Trust me, not much to see. Yes, we sometimes get blessed to stay somewhere nice but that isn't the norm. Yes we get to do some crazy fun adventures because of where we are, but I assure you, we only get about one full day off of ministry a week. We are busy at work, serving and helping doing tons of different things in a given day, which changes each month.
Also, you guys have no idea how much it brightens my day to get an email or comment from you. I love hearing from you and though my response may be slow, please now that it makes my heart so happy! So thank you again for staying in touch and not forgetting me.
7. What was the hardest part?
The heat and the mosquitos. At one point this month it looked like I had chicken pox. I've also had to get used to being sweaty all the time from biking from the base to biking to the university and having no AC at either place.
8. What was your favorite memory?
This past weekend Nikki, Shanna and I decided we wanted an adventurous day so we sought out to find these waterfalls. It was kind of a mystery how to exactly get there, how far away it is, and how much money it really costs. We saw a postcard of these falls and just kept asking around to how to get there. We called our friend Mr. Wong and he gave us the info we needed. Early on Sunday morning we headed out. It started out with a 45 min Tuk Tuk ride. Then we had ride a moto up this mountain for another 45 mins, then a hike down to the falls. It was amazing and so worth it.
For feedback one night I had all of the girls write their own Psalm. It was amazing to hear how different but raw each one of ours were. So beautiful to be inspired to write in that way.
I also had an amazing experience at staff worship this month. One of my favorite times of worship since I've been on the race. In case you missed it, I blogged about it here.
9. Most dangerous thing you did?
Nikki and I had a small wipe out on the motor bike up the mountain. Mr. Wong was driving so there was three of us on it and we were going over this bumps and kind of lost control and slid out. We were all perfectly fine though. I guess it was pretty dangerous not wearing a helmet.
10. Any "Firsts" this month?
Yep. First time ordering room service when we stayed at Prum Byon Hotel for debrief!
Also, some of you haven't heard but I am going to be an Auntie for the first time!!!!!!!!!!!!! My baby sister who got married this past summer just found out she is pregnant!! I am so excited, but is kind of weird at the same time! Pray for a safe pregnancy for her! Speaking of pregnancy, one of my best friends from home, Desiree is preggo too! Keep them in your prayers as they keep the buns in the oven.
11. What are you looking for God to do next month?
Next month we are going to Veitnam and I'm excited. We actually leave in 2 days!! We will also be reaching our halfway point... kind of crazy actually... expect a blog about it (:
7:11 am - Get up at the Ywam base run down stairs to the bell sounding
7:15 - Get my assigned work duty for the morning: Sweep the Gazebo
7:31 - Heat up water for oatmeal and tea
7:52 - Head upstairs to get ready for the day
8:10 - Grab my bike and head to the SaoMao shop to help out long term Missionary (20+ years in Cambodia) and shop owner, Marie Hill.
8:13 - Wipe sweat from my forehead... humidity is already brewing...Did I forget deorderant?
8:16 - See a full on dead, headless, cow on the back of this dude's moto... work it.
8: 20 - Walk into SaoMao, so glad the fans are on full blast. Say hi to Marie and take another look around all of the cool jewelry made from bullets and wartime materials.
8:45 - Marie runs to get me a helmet to use for the day, I grab the tripod. I take this photo
8:53- Jump on the dirt bike with Marie, make sure I have no straps hanging from my bag, (Thanks Dad) and ride out to the Villages outside Angkor Wat.
9:02 - Get gas, the service attendant gives me a handful of mints... sweet.
9:03 - Take this Photo
9:04 - Feel energized by the wind blowing and excited to see what the day holds... so thankful that Kayla and Thomas said I could go (Love you guys, Banko you too).
9:32 - Arrive at the first village. It's cool hearing Marie speak Khamer.
9:46 - Set up tripod, dial in camera, thrown mine over my shoulder, start filming one of the natives weave baskets for Marie's shop. Take this photo
9:52 - Capture kids playing through the "house."
9:54 - Ask one of the men what he is roasting. Come to find out he killed those birds with a sling shot. Rock on. Take this photo
9:56 - One of the other men happily asks us to come see his new baby. Walk over to another "house" and see his wife and new baby.
9:58 - Oh wow that is a new baby... She was born yesterday!!?!!
Take these photos
10:05 - Think about writing a blog about how we baby the heck out of our kids. I mean in 5 months I haven't seen a stroller, a changing table, a crib, a pack-n-play or lots of the things those moms register for at Target. I mean right here is a 1 day old baby and it seems just fine out there. Think it's probably not a good idea, what do I know about babies, and I don't need a soapbox.
10:34 - Arrive at the second Village where they make more handicrafts and wooden flutes. Shoot bits and pieces for the film Marie is putting together for her shop.
10:42 - Marie reminds me about the mints from the gas station, we hand them out to the kids.
10:46 - Think about how I love the community that these families have.
11:20 - Ride back through Angkor Wat and get one of these
11:54 - Arrive back at shop, review the footage and photos we got from the day. Stoked. Marie suggests that I come back to Combodia....
12:20 - Bike back to Ywam base to grab a quick lunch. Pick up Heather and bike over to Amy's
1:00 pm - Amy invites us up to the rooftop and brings us cold water! Yay, cold water (not sarcastic at all people)
1:02 - Sarah arrives to talk to us about her position with IJM and her role working with Human Trafficking in Cambodia.
1:20 - Realize there is a lot of misunderstanding of what her position looks like as serving in the front lines on a day to day basis with human trafficking.
1: 25 - Come to love Sarah's honesty about how short term missions don't help the girls with there constant disrupted attachment. Think about writing a blog about the things I realized in talking to her. Realize it will probably be a bit too controversial at the moment...
2: 35 - Listen to the story of the massage parlor they raided that ended with one of the girls jumping out of the 2nd story window...
3:40 - Bike to UofN to teach my class with Becca and Nikki and reflect on everything Sarah talked to us about. What a blessing to hear her perspective from the front lines.
4:00 - Teach teach teach
7:06 - Bike back to base, ring my bike bell at every chance I get, dodge the potholes and the other moto's zooming by.
7:30 - Dinner! No way... is that rice?!
8:24 - Feedback with the team
* I forgot to mention that I woke up at 5:15am to pray and read my bible for two hours like a good Christian Missionary.
It all came to me when I spent 4 minutes trying to unlock this door.
The combination of the hot and humid weather, and me just biking there, made me feel super anxious to get inside to the one osculating fan in my classroom.
You know what happens with keys and locks when you are impatient. I was trying over and over the 3 keys I have because they all look alike. "Nope not that one, okay not that one, it has to be this one. Really? Okay I'll try this one again. What the heck! Maybe it was that one. Are you kidding me right now!"
After 4 mins (which seamed like 10) of trying and trying, with sweat starting to run, I had to take a step back.
It made me think. How often in my life have I thought I knew which key it was? When that didn't work I tried another one, then another one. Trying with my own will to fix the problem, to open the door to what I wanted, to get results by using my own logic and reasoning.
God has been breaking me of myself.
Reminding me that even though I want to do everything, sometimes I need to take a step back, take a deep breath and let God do the work. I need to hand the keys over instead of getting impatient and trying to do it myself. I keep thinking, no I've got it God. I can do this one, let me keep trying. He keeps reminding me that I can keep trying but it might just be easier if I take a step back and let Him. You know that whole let go and let God? Yeah God is taking me through that again. It's not that I do it on purpose, I know God doesn't need my help, I just like doing things. But by me trying to "do things" in my own strength and my own will, I am basically being silly, standing there trying key after key after key when God is telling me "Ash...Ash, take a step back... I've got the key."
Pray that I can let go of trying to do things from my own strength and let God.
This is an amazing video that always touches my heart.
This is a short interview of the wives of the five martyrs killed in the jungles of Ecuador in 1956 by the Waodani tribe. Some footage is taken from the award-winning documentary film "Beyond the Gates of Splendor." If you haven't heard of Elizabeth Elliot, or the movie "End of the Spear," you can google it to read more about the amazing story of how God used this horrible situation for His glory.
"We knew God was in the whole thing."
"It took years for me looking back on that, to realize God had a plan."
"I knew that He lead us there."
"The older get the more totally convinced I am that God does know what he is doing."
I want to be a woman known for my unwavering faith in the Lord. I want the Lord to be my anchor no matter what situation comes my way.
This morning we had Staff Worship at the Ywam base with our team and the Kona team. It was early, I was tired and I really wasn't expecting much. Which isn't that an awful thing to show up to worship somewhere and "not expect much." I guess that is what got to me. We should never show up to worship with the Lord our God and "not expect much."
On the race we are reinforced to have low expectations when it comes to things. It keeps us from not getting disappointed with situations on a daily basis. It also is amazing when things exceed your expectations.
This mornings worship exceed all of my expectations!
Oddly, we don't get to go to church that often. When we do, it usually isn't in English, let alone has the same worship style we are used to in the states (although it has been awesome to experience worship in so many different cultures. It really opens up your eyes to how big God is and how often us Americans put God in a box). So back to worship...It was AWESOME!!! You could just feel the Spirit moving in this place. You could just hear the honest worship to the Lord that Funkie and Hya ushered in.
It was the kind of worship that brought me to tears.
But it was in a different way than I have experience in the past.
They were tears of true joy and thankfulness.
We sang Enough.
And all of You is more than enough for
All of me for every thirst and
Every need You satisfy me with Your love
And all I have in You
Is more than enough
More than I want
More than all need
More than I can say
You are more than enough for me
It moved me in a whole new way! God is more than enough for our every need and every thirst! I could sing it with confidence and this joy that I knew it in my heart of hearts and I was so thankful that is God is more than enough. It is one thing to sing it while your mind is racing about something else, but it another to grasp the amazing concept that God is more than enough for everything we are going through, have been through and will go through.
He is ENOUGH!!!!
Then we sang worthy is the lamb.
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, For our Lord God Almighty Reigns
Hallelujah, Hallelujah, For our Lord God Almighty Reigns
Hallelujah, Holy, Holy
Are you Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb
You are Holy, Holy,
Are you Lord God Almighty
Worthy is the Lamb
Worthy is the Lamb
You are Holy
Hallelujah for our Lord God Almighty reigns!!! And I just so thankful that we have a God that reigns! A God that is Holy and Righteous and gives us so much grace. I mean if we grasp that we are signing to the Lord God Almighty who reigns it is just the coolest thing to sing directly to God and worship him! I was again just so happy that I could sing to God. With all these budah statues around I just kept thinking that I was so thankful that God could hear me and I was singing right to Him. Our God isn't dead, he isn't a statue, he is alive and he Reigns!
Then we sang Beautiful one I love.
Wonderful so wonderful is Your unfailing love
Your cross is spoken mercy over me
No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no heart can fully know
How glorious, how beautiful You are
Beautiful one I love
Beautiful one I adore
Beautiful one my soul must sing
It was crazy because I just wanted to sing at the top of my lungs! I wanted to sing with all that was within me. It was awesome because I just kept thinking how awesome and thankful I was for God. And it was so happy it brought me to tears, with a huge smile on my face, and a song in my heart ♥
P.S. Happy Valentines Day!!!!
I love you all and miss you lots. Thanks for continueing to pray for me and the team. Pray that I can continue to know that the Lord is Enough for me and Enough for every need I have.
